If it doesn't work, then try something different. If it works, keep doing it. It's a simple concept, but it didn't hit me until today how this basic principle could be so inspiring. It's very common sense, but nonetheless so profound, that it's hard NOT to be excited about it!
When I think about certain times in my life, and maybe you can empathize, there are times in my life where I would have a goal, and I take steps to reach it. However, I stay so busy carrying out the steps that I forget to stop and take a look at my progress, or worse, don't know how to measure my progress. During those times, I am lead into the emotional trap of simply believing things will work if i keep pushing.
I've done a lot of believing in my life, and have seen plenty of things with my own eyes that I could only attribute to the divine, but I'm grounded enough to know that some things in life simply don't happen because you tried and you believe in it. Life, your life, moves forward through diligence IN THE RIGHT THINGS motivated and blessed by faith.
I could run a rampage through the city shooting people with an AK in the name of peace. I could believe I'll win the lotto and never buy a ticket. I could sit here waiting for the perfect girl to show up and madly fall in love with me.
I can confidently say that all of those will fail in accomplishing my goals. Not because of a lack of faith, or a lack of effort but simply because I did not focus on doing the right thing. To promote peace, I should serve. To win the lotto, I should buy first a ticket. To fall in love, I should seek to love.
Progress. That's been the word of my life the past 2 years, especially within the last 9 months, and even more so within the past 4 months. But in order to make progress, I must know how to measure it. Am I headed in the right direction? Or am I ending up in the wrong?
It's easy to fall into the many traps that prevent progress. One of the biggest ones being laziness. Being too lazy to monitor progress is the biggest pitfall out there. You've been working so hard and moving forward, and you don't want to expend more energy making sure you're doing it right. Your brain's already been wired to think you are, and therefore you're safe to assume you're moving along just fine. There's a saying that goes "ask even though you already know the road." You can never be too sure, and never too confident.
Other pitfalls can be ignorance and actually being too busy to measure results. These are not taken to be lightly either, as I know that my parents fall into the latter category. Work, work, work they did. It wasn't really until the stress was too much and they were forced to sit and think about it that they were able to progress forward.
Ultimately, though, it only comes to show that progress needs constant monitoring. You need to know what works, and what doesn't work, and get feedback. This feedback is what will take you to where you need/want to be, and if you keep doing so, you will never look back. There's no step backwards in this kind of life, but merely a side step, as all failures are pseudo-steps that move you forward.
As such, it is said that failure is simply a part of the bigger picture called success.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Where wrong becomes right
I think more than wealth, more than intellect, more than good looks, or an army of friends and family that love and support you... the single most thing that's most important about you is that which is inside of you. It is the one thing that I've realized has been missing in my life, and perhaps explains a lot of why I am the way that I use to be, and also how I've changed myself over the past few months and will change in the months to come.
The word to describe it is 'character.' I think that the majority of my life and even now, my character has been mostly incomplete. I lack the integrity and consistency that the greatest people of this world have. That which turns them from normal human beings into the heroes of the world. They are the CEO's that have revolutionized the market, the social leaders that stomped injustice in the face of disaster, the unknown and unsung heroes that have gone by and brought hope and warmth to the lives around him/her.
I have a lot of great characteristics, but lack in character. I think those characteristics have carried me thus far, and have allowed me some credit among those around me. But ultimately, there have been a handful in my life, especially those closer in my life, who have called me out. They never said I lacked character, but I could tell, that they wanted a person of character in their life, and I did not have it.
What a tough lesson to learn, only now, after having looked back at my life, and all the times where I could've steered in the right instead of the wrong. All the times I had the opportunity to learn what it meant to have character, but continued a path in which I could only grow within only a few facets of life, but not the one that lies at the core of my personal existence!
Well, I guess the saying goes that it's better late than never. And if those of the past have already given up on me, I can only pray that one day, I'll find that chance once more. But as each day goes by nowadays, I get a slightly better idea on how to build my character. I can't say I'm good at it yet, but I'm getting there. And hopefully, soon enough, I will have the inner strength to be a man of integrity, of faith, of much warmth and love as well as strength.
Some of you might be thinking I'm being hard on myself. Perhaps I am? Character is something that everyone has a little bit of, but it is just my observation that I haven't had enough of it in my life in the past in order to claim victory over the problems I've faced in my past. Perhaps it was my destiny to learn it now, and not before? That, I won't know, and I'll leave it to the powers that be.
However, here and now is what's important, as well as the tomorrow that will come. As each day goes by, I will get stronger. Emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually. And someday, I'll be that person who will live in greatness. Not so much a hero with great fame, or a hero with superhuman powers... but simply a hero who can make the right decision when it comes to face those difficult times my life and the life of those around me. Without fear, without too much hesitation... with confidence towards the path of victory.
I'm slowly on the path from wrong to right within my inner soul. And a man of character will be coming... just you wait =)
The word to describe it is 'character.' I think that the majority of my life and even now, my character has been mostly incomplete. I lack the integrity and consistency that the greatest people of this world have. That which turns them from normal human beings into the heroes of the world. They are the CEO's that have revolutionized the market, the social leaders that stomped injustice in the face of disaster, the unknown and unsung heroes that have gone by and brought hope and warmth to the lives around him/her.
I have a lot of great characteristics, but lack in character. I think those characteristics have carried me thus far, and have allowed me some credit among those around me. But ultimately, there have been a handful in my life, especially those closer in my life, who have called me out. They never said I lacked character, but I could tell, that they wanted a person of character in their life, and I did not have it.
What a tough lesson to learn, only now, after having looked back at my life, and all the times where I could've steered in the right instead of the wrong. All the times I had the opportunity to learn what it meant to have character, but continued a path in which I could only grow within only a few facets of life, but not the one that lies at the core of my personal existence!
Well, I guess the saying goes that it's better late than never. And if those of the past have already given up on me, I can only pray that one day, I'll find that chance once more. But as each day goes by nowadays, I get a slightly better idea on how to build my character. I can't say I'm good at it yet, but I'm getting there. And hopefully, soon enough, I will have the inner strength to be a man of integrity, of faith, of much warmth and love as well as strength.
Some of you might be thinking I'm being hard on myself. Perhaps I am? Character is something that everyone has a little bit of, but it is just my observation that I haven't had enough of it in my life in the past in order to claim victory over the problems I've faced in my past. Perhaps it was my destiny to learn it now, and not before? That, I won't know, and I'll leave it to the powers that be.
However, here and now is what's important, as well as the tomorrow that will come. As each day goes by, I will get stronger. Emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually. And someday, I'll be that person who will live in greatness. Not so much a hero with great fame, or a hero with superhuman powers... but simply a hero who can make the right decision when it comes to face those difficult times my life and the life of those around me. Without fear, without too much hesitation... with confidence towards the path of victory.
I'm slowly on the path from wrong to right within my inner soul. And a man of character will be coming... just you wait =)
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Gut is where the heart is
Sometimes you just get that gut feeling, that things will happen the way you envision it. That even though the situation tells you the opposite, you just have that feeling. I don't know if it's just my own personal delusion in believing in my gut feeling, or if there is some sort of truth to it, or maybe it's a bit of both, but I find myself clinging onto this small feeling, and believing it until I see no possible way of it not happening.
At times it just breaks my heart though, putting a hope in something that doesn't seem all that right in the mind. It's like the mind and heart don't communicate and agree on one thing. But then again, the main culprit involved is the gut. What to say about it, I don't really know.
I guess sometimes you follow your heart. Sometimes you follow your intuition. Sometimes you follow your thoughts. When to follow which is still a loss to me. I'd like to believe in myself, but I tend to get fooled sometimes too. I'm just trying to figure out how to do the right thing.
At times it just breaks my heart though, putting a hope in something that doesn't seem all that right in the mind. It's like the mind and heart don't communicate and agree on one thing. But then again, the main culprit involved is the gut. What to say about it, I don't really know.
I guess sometimes you follow your heart. Sometimes you follow your intuition. Sometimes you follow your thoughts. When to follow which is still a loss to me. I'd like to believe in myself, but I tend to get fooled sometimes too. I'm just trying to figure out how to do the right thing.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Stay MAD for Life! My financial passion!
So today, I finally finished reading Jim Cramer's 'Stay Mad for Life.' I was mostly done with it anyways, but the last couple chapters on stock and mutual fund hints were just too dry for my personal taste.
Anyways, the book, in essence, covers advice on both preparing for and making investments for life. The book is roughly broken down in half between preparation and then into stock & mutual fund advice. While the latter half has it's uses, I think the meat and potatoes of the book is covered in the first half.
The most important case in point, something that most of America needs to learn, is that in order to be rich, you gotta keep yourself from being poor. Now this may sound real basic, but when you think about it, the average American doesn't have a surplus of money. Most are in debt in the form of loans and credit cards, and with interest rates that compound as long as there is a remaining balance, you end up paying companies A LOT of YOUR money for letting extend payments a while longer.
On top of that, this debt is made simply because people want to buy things that really are not necessary. I mean, do you REALLY need a $500 iphone? Or that $50,000 luxury car that you can't afford on your own? Sure, it's nice. Sure, by the power of credit, you can have it. But what are you doing to yourself? They're like financial drugs! Don't do it! All the cool kids do it, but those kool kids are gonna end up where you are going to be real soon, poor and in debt!
Now, some of you might think, 'well, life sucks if we dont spend money and enjoy it!' And granted, that's true. Money buys opportunity. That opportunity can be in the form of entertainment, enrichment, etc... but ultimately an opportunity to bring you some form of happiness. But you MUST understand that spending some of your money is different from spending MOST of your money, and that is also different from spending money you don't even have! Look at today's mortgage crisis and how poor financial decisions are causing some major hurt in a lot of lives!
It's of vital importance that you don't compromise your tomorrow for a quick injection of good stuff today. Because when tomorrow comes, you wont have the means to get the good stuff, or for many more tomorrows for that matter. Save your BUYING POWER for more important things, and ration out the luxuries for when you can afford them. Or the power of my mighty voice will open up in the skies and roar out the words 'I TOLD YOU SO!'
It's good advice, and it's only the beginning of your life to prosperity, and it is my wish for everyone to be prosperous. I have nothing new to teach that others cannot. Nor do I have the resources to make you immediately prosperous. But I can certainly share bits and pieces and extend my hand for you to join me on this prosperous path. And trust me, prosperous we shall be! Because as much as life is a passion, and love is a passion, money is also my passion. To a wealthy life! *cheers*
Anyways, the book, in essence, covers advice on both preparing for and making investments for life. The book is roughly broken down in half between preparation and then into stock & mutual fund advice. While the latter half has it's uses, I think the meat and potatoes of the book is covered in the first half.
The most important case in point, something that most of America needs to learn, is that in order to be rich, you gotta keep yourself from being poor. Now this may sound real basic, but when you think about it, the average American doesn't have a surplus of money. Most are in debt in the form of loans and credit cards, and with interest rates that compound as long as there is a remaining balance, you end up paying companies A LOT of YOUR money for letting extend payments a while longer.
On top of that, this debt is made simply because people want to buy things that really are not necessary. I mean, do you REALLY need a $500 iphone? Or that $50,000 luxury car that you can't afford on your own? Sure, it's nice. Sure, by the power of credit, you can have it. But what are you doing to yourself? They're like financial drugs! Don't do it! All the cool kids do it, but those kool kids are gonna end up where you are going to be real soon, poor and in debt!
Now, some of you might think, 'well, life sucks if we dont spend money and enjoy it!' And granted, that's true. Money buys opportunity. That opportunity can be in the form of entertainment, enrichment, etc... but ultimately an opportunity to bring you some form of happiness. But you MUST understand that spending some of your money is different from spending MOST of your money, and that is also different from spending money you don't even have! Look at today's mortgage crisis and how poor financial decisions are causing some major hurt in a lot of lives!
It's of vital importance that you don't compromise your tomorrow for a quick injection of good stuff today. Because when tomorrow comes, you wont have the means to get the good stuff, or for many more tomorrows for that matter. Save your BUYING POWER for more important things, and ration out the luxuries for when you can afford them. Or the power of my mighty voice will open up in the skies and roar out the words 'I TOLD YOU SO!'
It's good advice, and it's only the beginning of your life to prosperity, and it is my wish for everyone to be prosperous. I have nothing new to teach that others cannot. Nor do I have the resources to make you immediately prosperous. But I can certainly share bits and pieces and extend my hand for you to join me on this prosperous path. And trust me, prosperous we shall be! Because as much as life is a passion, and love is a passion, money is also my passion. To a wealthy life! *cheers*
Sunday, January 27, 2008
good to the last drop
Sometimes you believe in something so much, you'd rather block out the possibility of it being untrue. Well, I am open to the thought that i could make a bad judgment, but until it shows, can i help but believe it right down until the end?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Thinking of you on a rainy day
Whenever it rains I think of you
You had little to say but much to do
Do you remember when we first met?
You were at the market and I was all wet
I was hungry and looking for a meal
You looked at me as if you knew how I feel
With a dollar to my name you called me
Beckoning me to come to you more closely
As we approached I just knew instantly
And later that day you came home with me
Within minutes you had me nourished
I thought with this that I could flourish!
But you didn't stop there you kept me warm
It felt like healing from rubbing tiger balm
I know that sounds silly but it's how I felt
Your warmth could make the ice caps melt
And when the day was over you left
I was filled with gratitude and felt in debt
I visited the market often since then
And competed for you with all other men
I'm glad, though, that we could always be
And share a love the world could see
For all the rainy days we've spent together
SHIN RAMEN YOU'RE MY LOVE FOREVER! =)
You had little to say but much to do
Do you remember when we first met?
You were at the market and I was all wet
I was hungry and looking for a meal
You looked at me as if you knew how I feel
With a dollar to my name you called me
Beckoning me to come to you more closely
As we approached I just knew instantly
And later that day you came home with me
Within minutes you had me nourished
I thought with this that I could flourish!
But you didn't stop there you kept me warm
It felt like healing from rubbing tiger balm
I know that sounds silly but it's how I felt
Your warmth could make the ice caps melt
And when the day was over you left
I was filled with gratitude and felt in debt
I visited the market often since then
And competed for you with all other men
I'm glad, though, that we could always be
And share a love the world could see
For all the rainy days we've spent together
SHIN RAMEN YOU'RE MY LOVE FOREVER! =)
Sunday, January 20, 2008
what burns inside
mediocrity should only be a consequence of failure, and not a goal to be reached. when you dream, dream big. when you act, act local, but think global. you weren't called to be a nobody. you are called to greatness.
sometimes i struggle. because things don't go my way. because there are factors out there that simply cannot be changed by my power. within my limitations i wish that i were smarter, faster and stronger.
yet, when i stop to look at myself, sometimes, all i do is stay frustrated. not only that, but in my frustration, i lose sight of everything. my mind says push, but the legs refuse to take another step, and the heart looks for something to drown itself in.
the will i have inside of me refuses. it refuses this mediocrity, and it pushes for greatness. and i find that by sheer force of personal will, i could start walking again. probably not as fast and as easy as i could if my put my heart into it, but it's a start.
in all things, whether success, love or faith... i believe that the goal is like building a fire. having the heart to do it is like lighter fluid. it makes things easier to start and maintain the fire whenever necessary.
right now, i feel the heart is not quite there. and when i say heart, i don't mean the heart that's tied to my inner self that can act upon will, but i'm referring to the emotions that often times fuel my passion in all that i do.
the fire is a rather small one, fueled by small twigs and leaves as i desperately try to make this fire blaze, constantly forcing a spark here and there to make the fire grow. it's an uncomfortable feeling, as i am cold, and the fire is not growing fast enough.
but it is my goal, slowly but surely, that i turn this spark into a roaring fire, and forever feed it to keep my dreams fully alive.
on and on and on and on... just to find that which is what i'm looking for. this is my restless pursuit which i have chosen. my life, my passion.
sometimes i struggle. because things don't go my way. because there are factors out there that simply cannot be changed by my power. within my limitations i wish that i were smarter, faster and stronger.
yet, when i stop to look at myself, sometimes, all i do is stay frustrated. not only that, but in my frustration, i lose sight of everything. my mind says push, but the legs refuse to take another step, and the heart looks for something to drown itself in.
the will i have inside of me refuses. it refuses this mediocrity, and it pushes for greatness. and i find that by sheer force of personal will, i could start walking again. probably not as fast and as easy as i could if my put my heart into it, but it's a start.
in all things, whether success, love or faith... i believe that the goal is like building a fire. having the heart to do it is like lighter fluid. it makes things easier to start and maintain the fire whenever necessary.
right now, i feel the heart is not quite there. and when i say heart, i don't mean the heart that's tied to my inner self that can act upon will, but i'm referring to the emotions that often times fuel my passion in all that i do.
the fire is a rather small one, fueled by small twigs and leaves as i desperately try to make this fire blaze, constantly forcing a spark here and there to make the fire grow. it's an uncomfortable feeling, as i am cold, and the fire is not growing fast enough.
but it is my goal, slowly but surely, that i turn this spark into a roaring fire, and forever feed it to keep my dreams fully alive.
on and on and on and on... just to find that which is what i'm looking for. this is my restless pursuit which i have chosen. my life, my passion.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Love is a verb
I love you. Subject-verb-object.
Yet, so many people out there mistake "I love you" for "I am in love with you." (in other words, I have good feelings towards you). Yes, you may have good feelings, but good feelings don't necessarily stay consistent and always lead you to positive behavior. Good feelings can go bad, and bad feelings can hurt not only yourself but the one you 'love.'
I'm no love expert, or a relationship counselor. That's because I don't get paid for it! *enter drum sequence* hehe.. ok ok, I kid. But seriously, I've plenty yet to learn myself, but what I've learned, for the time being, is that love is not merely feeling, or even a direct consequence of those feelings. Love is a verb. It is an action. Therefore it is a decision that a person makes based on all the factors of heart, mind and soul.
There will be times when your heart won't like it. But your mind says to go ahead. Other times your mind will tell you not to, but your heart will lead you through. And sometimes, both your heart and mind say no, but the soul wills its way above everything and pushes you to offer yourself to the beloved.
It's a decision, and one that you make every day, day in and day out. I can choose to love, or not to love. I can choose to love intensely, or to love mildly. But ultimately, it's my choice, as I am the giver of it.
With that in mind, I sometimes think about my own personal status. On where I am in life, and when I will decide to love someone passionately once again. There's a part of me that would prefer sooner than later (dumb heart!), but there's also a part of me that wonders more about who to love than when to love.
You see, as I've dug deeper and deeper into the nature of love its concept, I've found more and more to be true that if love is certainly a verb, I can simply love anyone and everyone. If I want romance here and now, I can certainly do it, with almost anyone that I extend my hands to. (Perhaps that was rather overconfident of me, but I think I'm a good guy! hehe... if you must, you can just laugh it off and move on with my thought...) In any case, I've found that I could love anyone I want to, but at the same time, there's this factor that is just undeniable in finding a proper partner in life (dumb heart!).
And so here, at the crux of it all, is the idea that the heart doth not sway at anyone it doesn't like!
However, with my recent thoughts, I've wondered whether that really is the case. Granted, if you have no feelings, you really have no feelings.
But I begin to really think, if love acted upon as a verb, has the power to change one's perspective of another in such a way to bring feeling into those actions. It's the idea of loving someone you have feelings for vs picking up feelings for someone you've loved in advance.
The majority of adults I've run into believe in this concept. That if you love(verb) first, love(noun) will eventually come. And if you really think about it, I think it's true to a certain extent.
I think falling in love with someone is simply a matter of opening one's heart and mind and soul to the idea of giving a small part of yourself to the other. Therefore, if you open up yourself enough to offer love to another, you will soon establish a link that will help you to love not only in mind but also in heart.
Or perhaps I'm simply fooling myself? And it's time to say I've become old and lost the notion of what a sincere love is like? After all, even if I'm open minded about it, the verdict is still made as a matter of the heart (dumb heart!).
But in the end, and all in all, I wonder about it, as well as wonder about the thought of a soul mate. The ONE and ONLY that, above all else, your soul will gravitate towards, disregarding everything and anything to bring you to an ultimate destiny.
Does on exist? I'd like to believe so, and when I find such a person, that not even the tugging of my heart and mind will keep me away from letting go a person who holds the key to this destiny. Because in the end, even with the existence of a soul mate, we are still free to choose to love, or not love. Because love, indeed, is a decision, is a verb!
Yet, so many people out there mistake "I love you" for "I am in love with you." (in other words, I have good feelings towards you). Yes, you may have good feelings, but good feelings don't necessarily stay consistent and always lead you to positive behavior. Good feelings can go bad, and bad feelings can hurt not only yourself but the one you 'love.'
I'm no love expert, or a relationship counselor. That's because I don't get paid for it! *enter drum sequence* hehe.. ok ok, I kid. But seriously, I've plenty yet to learn myself, but what I've learned, for the time being, is that love is not merely feeling, or even a direct consequence of those feelings. Love is a verb. It is an action. Therefore it is a decision that a person makes based on all the factors of heart, mind and soul.
There will be times when your heart won't like it. But your mind says to go ahead. Other times your mind will tell you not to, but your heart will lead you through. And sometimes, both your heart and mind say no, but the soul wills its way above everything and pushes you to offer yourself to the beloved.
It's a decision, and one that you make every day, day in and day out. I can choose to love, or not to love. I can choose to love intensely, or to love mildly. But ultimately, it's my choice, as I am the giver of it.
With that in mind, I sometimes think about my own personal status. On where I am in life, and when I will decide to love someone passionately once again. There's a part of me that would prefer sooner than later (dumb heart!), but there's also a part of me that wonders more about who to love than when to love.
You see, as I've dug deeper and deeper into the nature of love its concept, I've found more and more to be true that if love is certainly a verb, I can simply love anyone and everyone. If I want romance here and now, I can certainly do it, with almost anyone that I extend my hands to. (Perhaps that was rather overconfident of me, but I think I'm a good guy! hehe... if you must, you can just laugh it off and move on with my thought...) In any case, I've found that I could love anyone I want to, but at the same time, there's this factor that is just undeniable in finding a proper partner in life (dumb heart!).
And so here, at the crux of it all, is the idea that the heart doth not sway at anyone it doesn't like!
However, with my recent thoughts, I've wondered whether that really is the case. Granted, if you have no feelings, you really have no feelings.
But I begin to really think, if love acted upon as a verb, has the power to change one's perspective of another in such a way to bring feeling into those actions. It's the idea of loving someone you have feelings for vs picking up feelings for someone you've loved in advance.
The majority of adults I've run into believe in this concept. That if you love(verb) first, love(noun) will eventually come. And if you really think about it, I think it's true to a certain extent.
I think falling in love with someone is simply a matter of opening one's heart and mind and soul to the idea of giving a small part of yourself to the other. Therefore, if you open up yourself enough to offer love to another, you will soon establish a link that will help you to love not only in mind but also in heart.
Or perhaps I'm simply fooling myself? And it's time to say I've become old and lost the notion of what a sincere love is like? After all, even if I'm open minded about it, the verdict is still made as a matter of the heart (dumb heart!).
But in the end, and all in all, I wonder about it, as well as wonder about the thought of a soul mate. The ONE and ONLY that, above all else, your soul will gravitate towards, disregarding everything and anything to bring you to an ultimate destiny.
Does on exist? I'd like to believe so, and when I find such a person, that not even the tugging of my heart and mind will keep me away from letting go a person who holds the key to this destiny. Because in the end, even with the existence of a soul mate, we are still free to choose to love, or not love. Because love, indeed, is a decision, is a verb!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A confident quote
Confidence and strength are a man's merit.
Intelligence and wit merely play a part in completing his resolve towards life.
Intelligence and wit merely play a part in completing his resolve towards life.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Parenting
"Suppose you have a teenage son and your normal conversations went something like 'Clean your room. Button your shirt. Turn down the radio. [etc]' Over a period of time, the withdrawals far exceep the deposits.
Now, supposd this son is in the process of making some important decisions that will affect the rest of his life, but the trust level is so low and the communication process so closed, mechanical, and unsatisfying that he simply will not be open to your counsel."
I'm reading a book called "Seven habits of highly effective people" and the author Stephen Covey was talking about the concept of the emotional bank account. He states that every relationship holds an account that represents trust in a relationship, and that one must make many deposits into this account in order to build strong, healthy relationships.
The concept is quite simple. Building relationships amounts to you doing things to build trust. Breaking them down requires actions that break down trust. However, this is not the point that I wanted to portray by sharing a piece of Covey's writing.
The point I wanted to make was the dynamic of the example that Covey portrays. "Clean your room. Do your homework. Get good grades." Sound familiar? Sounds like the voice of every parent that has ever tried to raise their child right. A voice that I'd probably end up raising when I become a dad myself.
However, how many of us had these kind of conversations the majority of our lives, and not have any other type of conversations? I, for one, can raise my hand. I can also raise my hand to the next question. How many of us, as a result of having only this type of dialog, have grown up not able to go to our parents for counsel?
It's a sad state of affairs, and for this reason, there was a time in my life when I wanted to get into psychology. Though I do have to admit, my original intent was to unscrew the tops of every parent out there and reprogram them to do a better job. But now, now I feel that this scenario is the epitome of the average american home, especially immigrant families.
It is sad to see so many kids simply unable to trust their parents, and it is sadder to see parents unable to get through to their kids. Both have seemingly resorted to manipulative shortcuts to get through challenges in life (e.g. parents threatening kids to study, kids lying to avoid punishment), and as a result, the relationship has been short-circuited by these 'quick fix' solutions.
And so I start to wonder, what needs to be done? What can be done TODAY, to start the healing process, and heal the relationships that are broken among children and parents, as well as prevent this type of heartache in the future? I don't really know, but I believe there certainly should be a raised awareness on the topic of communication and trust among families.
For the children who pass by each day in a home that feels like a warzone and have nowhere to find peace and some wisdom to help them in an already challenging life outside of home. For the parents who are trying their best to take care of their kids, but do not know to effective reach out to their kids and raise them in a home of love and trust. And for the future generations who repeat this unfortunate history time and time again.
For those of you reading this blog, it is my sincere hope that you all break out of the cycle. Don't fall into the lazy trap of forcing your way with your kids. They have thoughts and have a will. Guide it well, and raise them not only to be good people, but also good parents. Your descendants will thank you.
Now, supposd this son is in the process of making some important decisions that will affect the rest of his life, but the trust level is so low and the communication process so closed, mechanical, and unsatisfying that he simply will not be open to your counsel."
I'm reading a book called "Seven habits of highly effective people" and the author Stephen Covey was talking about the concept of the emotional bank account. He states that every relationship holds an account that represents trust in a relationship, and that one must make many deposits into this account in order to build strong, healthy relationships.
The concept is quite simple. Building relationships amounts to you doing things to build trust. Breaking them down requires actions that break down trust. However, this is not the point that I wanted to portray by sharing a piece of Covey's writing.
The point I wanted to make was the dynamic of the example that Covey portrays. "Clean your room. Do your homework. Get good grades." Sound familiar? Sounds like the voice of every parent that has ever tried to raise their child right. A voice that I'd probably end up raising when I become a dad myself.
However, how many of us had these kind of conversations the majority of our lives, and not have any other type of conversations? I, for one, can raise my hand. I can also raise my hand to the next question. How many of us, as a result of having only this type of dialog, have grown up not able to go to our parents for counsel?
It's a sad state of affairs, and for this reason, there was a time in my life when I wanted to get into psychology. Though I do have to admit, my original intent was to unscrew the tops of every parent out there and reprogram them to do a better job. But now, now I feel that this scenario is the epitome of the average american home, especially immigrant families.
It is sad to see so many kids simply unable to trust their parents, and it is sadder to see parents unable to get through to their kids. Both have seemingly resorted to manipulative shortcuts to get through challenges in life (e.g. parents threatening kids to study, kids lying to avoid punishment), and as a result, the relationship has been short-circuited by these 'quick fix' solutions.
And so I start to wonder, what needs to be done? What can be done TODAY, to start the healing process, and heal the relationships that are broken among children and parents, as well as prevent this type of heartache in the future? I don't really know, but I believe there certainly should be a raised awareness on the topic of communication and trust among families.
For the children who pass by each day in a home that feels like a warzone and have nowhere to find peace and some wisdom to help them in an already challenging life outside of home. For the parents who are trying their best to take care of their kids, but do not know to effective reach out to their kids and raise them in a home of love and trust. And for the future generations who repeat this unfortunate history time and time again.
For those of you reading this blog, it is my sincere hope that you all break out of the cycle. Don't fall into the lazy trap of forcing your way with your kids. They have thoughts and have a will. Guide it well, and raise them not only to be good people, but also good parents. Your descendants will thank you.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I call TIMEOUT
So you've gone and done a wonderful job throughout the season, and it's time for playoffs. You've entered into your third game against one of the toughest teams in the league, and though you've kept up with the opponent, you start to realize that your strategy is not working. Not only that, you've fallen a bit behind, and time is slowly ticking away. What do you do? You don't want to lose. In fact, it's not that you want to lose, but you want to win. However, with each minute, that win goes farther and farther out of reach. As coach, you watch all your players running around, and you watch the other team gaining momentum. Before things go too much out of hand, you call it.
TIMEOUT
A time to gather everything and everyone, and step through what just happened as well as what needs to happen. Have we stuck to the game plan? Have they figured us out? Do we stay on course? Do we switch things up? A time to reprioritize, a time to reflect, a time to make a decision, an important one that determines how the game will turn out.
However, one thing that a timeout is not. It is not a time to call it quits. Quitters simply leave the field. Such quitters don't regroup to tell each other they're going to lose. A person who can do such a thing is a person whom we call, a LOSER, and there's a difference between the two.
A quitter will always lose, but only in that moment. Furthermore, a smart quitter will know when to cut their losses. But a loser, a loser will simply lose it all because the loser's mentality is that one can never win the race. If you can't believe in your own personal success, you might as well just quit, and stay a quitter. The world has no love for you, and for you, the game's over. As my gaming friends would often say, that's "NT NOOB!" But I digress...
In this sport we call life, the momentum shifts often, and the pace picks up faster and faster. Graduate from kindergarten? Hey there hot stuff! Life is good. Graduate from jr high? Yea, you're 'cool' but now you have to figure out how to ensure that you have a chance at success (a la college education). Graduate high school? Yea, you're free, but now you're on your own and you have to this time REALLY ensure your personal success by soaking up the knowledge of the world. Graduate college? Yea, you're done! JUST KIDDING! Done? You've only just begun. Welcome to the ocean my little guppy ^_^.v
And let me tell you now, as I approach the ripe age of 27, it only gets faster. If it doesn't, and your life is slow like pondwater, let me tell you now that life hasn't stopped flowing. It's just that you're behind, WAY BEHIND, and YOU, my friend, need a TIMEOUT. Get yourself back to the bench and think about it. Reprioritize, remodel, reshuffle and return.
Because I can tell you right now, even in my fast paced life, I can't move forward without my own timeouts. Not only that, but there are also times when you just have to call a timeout because no matter what you do, it's simply not going to work out. When that happens, you simply call the timeout, and let the moment roll by. You rest up, you set up a game plan, and you get right back in it.
However, unlike sports and fortunately for us, life's timeouts can last longer than 20 seconds, or a minute. They can last a day, or a week, or a few months. For some, we can sustain a timeout for over a year. For each situation is a timeout that is viable for a certain amount of time. However, don't sit on the bench too long. Timeouts are made to help you, not hold you back. No one plays to lose (unless you like gambling). We play to win.
Let's win it, for us, for the team, for the ones we love and the ones we will love.
TIMEOUT
A time to gather everything and everyone, and step through what just happened as well as what needs to happen. Have we stuck to the game plan? Have they figured us out? Do we stay on course? Do we switch things up? A time to reprioritize, a time to reflect, a time to make a decision, an important one that determines how the game will turn out.
However, one thing that a timeout is not. It is not a time to call it quits. Quitters simply leave the field. Such quitters don't regroup to tell each other they're going to lose. A person who can do such a thing is a person whom we call, a LOSER, and there's a difference between the two.
A quitter will always lose, but only in that moment. Furthermore, a smart quitter will know when to cut their losses. But a loser, a loser will simply lose it all because the loser's mentality is that one can never win the race. If you can't believe in your own personal success, you might as well just quit, and stay a quitter. The world has no love for you, and for you, the game's over. As my gaming friends would often say, that's "NT NOOB!" But I digress...
In this sport we call life, the momentum shifts often, and the pace picks up faster and faster. Graduate from kindergarten? Hey there hot stuff! Life is good. Graduate from jr high? Yea, you're 'cool' but now you have to figure out how to ensure that you have a chance at success (a la college education). Graduate high school? Yea, you're free, but now you're on your own and you have to this time REALLY ensure your personal success by soaking up the knowledge of the world. Graduate college? Yea, you're done! JUST KIDDING! Done? You've only just begun. Welcome to the ocean my little guppy ^_^.v
And let me tell you now, as I approach the ripe age of 27, it only gets faster. If it doesn't, and your life is slow like pondwater, let me tell you now that life hasn't stopped flowing. It's just that you're behind, WAY BEHIND, and YOU, my friend, need a TIMEOUT. Get yourself back to the bench and think about it. Reprioritize, remodel, reshuffle and return.
Because I can tell you right now, even in my fast paced life, I can't move forward without my own timeouts. Not only that, but there are also times when you just have to call a timeout because no matter what you do, it's simply not going to work out. When that happens, you simply call the timeout, and let the moment roll by. You rest up, you set up a game plan, and you get right back in it.
However, unlike sports and fortunately for us, life's timeouts can last longer than 20 seconds, or a minute. They can last a day, or a week, or a few months. For some, we can sustain a timeout for over a year. For each situation is a timeout that is viable for a certain amount of time. However, don't sit on the bench too long. Timeouts are made to help you, not hold you back. No one plays to lose (unless you like gambling). We play to win.
Let's win it, for us, for the team, for the ones we love and the ones we will love.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Just a day
"Just an ordinary day, just tryin' to get by"
Just trying to get by on this ordinary day. A day of laughter and hope, but equally filled with tears and sorrow. A day in which lives are lost, and new life is born; Where snow falls, and peace is won; Where duplicity of heroes are frowned upon; Where the world, as one great big orchestra, gets tuned to the wave of the great conductor's baton. Hardly... an ordinary day, but an extraordinary one!
The rhythm of life beats on, whether you're in your bed all day, or sitting on a chair, typing out random words that happen to perform an equally random function. Life moves on and it never stops. You groove to the move, and you move to the groove. But if you stop dancing, you might as well get off the floor and watch the others press on.
Each day is extraordinary, but the common perception is that each day is just one and the same. The same issues, the same places you go to eat and hang out, the same feeling of emptiness, the same feeling of helplessness and/or uncertainty as you wonder where your next destination will be, etc. Got self-esteem issues? Got life issues? Got issues the stem from something more than not having enough cash to buy that nice car, or fancy clothes or a pretty little ipod?
Well... don't we all?
Your dream is in the palm of your hands. Just believe this life to be extraordinary because faith does make a difference. Doesn't mean you have to do extraordinary things; It just means you do those ordinary things, extraordinarily. And soon, you will realize, that you too will find just what you're looking for. So reach for the stars, and live while you can! For time will not flee... time will not flee =)
[credits: Vanessa Carlton - "Ordinary Day"]
Just trying to get by on this ordinary day. A day of laughter and hope, but equally filled with tears and sorrow. A day in which lives are lost, and new life is born; Where snow falls, and peace is won; Where duplicity of heroes are frowned upon; Where the world, as one great big orchestra, gets tuned to the wave of the great conductor's baton. Hardly... an ordinary day, but an extraordinary one!
The rhythm of life beats on, whether you're in your bed all day, or sitting on a chair, typing out random words that happen to perform an equally random function. Life moves on and it never stops. You groove to the move, and you move to the groove. But if you stop dancing, you might as well get off the floor and watch the others press on.
Each day is extraordinary, but the common perception is that each day is just one and the same. The same issues, the same places you go to eat and hang out, the same feeling of emptiness, the same feeling of helplessness and/or uncertainty as you wonder where your next destination will be, etc. Got self-esteem issues? Got life issues? Got issues the stem from something more than not having enough cash to buy that nice car, or fancy clothes or a pretty little ipod?
Well... don't we all?
Your dream is in the palm of your hands. Just believe this life to be extraordinary because faith does make a difference. Doesn't mean you have to do extraordinary things; It just means you do those ordinary things, extraordinarily. And soon, you will realize, that you too will find just what you're looking for. So reach for the stars, and live while you can! For time will not flee... time will not flee =)
[credits: Vanessa Carlton - "Ordinary Day"]
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I say what I feel
I say what I feel, and I write what I say, but ultimately, these words that come out are the hidden expression of a self that I've tried to toss away time and time again. Indeed, these written words are often times the unwritten thoughts that never come across your ears to be heard, because the fact of the matter is, that I feel there are much better things to be said as well as certain things to be left unsaid. However, the rules for an online journal are different. This is where the pen of my soul meets the paper of a thousand electronic ears (Though I guess eyes are more appropriate).
In doing so, I am entering a piece of mind that's asynchronous and flows through without ever having to demand your attention at any particular time, but just that you take time whenever you feel. All you do is come and read, and if you wish to continue the thought, you leave a comment. And as such, your thought is saved and eventually threaded through a turn-based discussion that spans however long we wish. In other words, we participate in an ongoing discussion that never ends.
So what shall I say to this, but that I have begun to write yet again, and hope that these unspoken thoughts turn gracefully into written words. And through these words, offer you a different perspective on life, love, happiness and all the other wonderful aspects of our life that we strive for with a passion. Whether or not our heart beats to the drum of life, I know, for certain that our inner selves innately call out to us and willfully push us towards the purpose of our very existence.
That, is what I call the passion of life. The desire that burns within our souls that we should all take up and follow. For without it, we are merely vessels floating at sea. As it was once said, "All [people] die, but not all [people] live" (ref. Braveheart).
And therefore, I welcome you to my passion... my life and my pursuit of happiness =)
In doing so, I am entering a piece of mind that's asynchronous and flows through without ever having to demand your attention at any particular time, but just that you take time whenever you feel. All you do is come and read, and if you wish to continue the thought, you leave a comment. And as such, your thought is saved and eventually threaded through a turn-based discussion that spans however long we wish. In other words, we participate in an ongoing discussion that never ends.
So what shall I say to this, but that I have begun to write yet again, and hope that these unspoken thoughts turn gracefully into written words. And through these words, offer you a different perspective on life, love, happiness and all the other wonderful aspects of our life that we strive for with a passion. Whether or not our heart beats to the drum of life, I know, for certain that our inner selves innately call out to us and willfully push us towards the purpose of our very existence.
That, is what I call the passion of life. The desire that burns within our souls that we should all take up and follow. For without it, we are merely vessels floating at sea. As it was once said, "All [people] die, but not all [people] live" (ref. Braveheart).
And therefore, I welcome you to my passion... my life and my pursuit of happiness =)
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